sometimes I cant breath
and its not the not breathing that scares me
its the breathing that Im afraid what will happen of
its the going into the next moment that makes my ears scream
that if i let it, that moment can bring back all my bad memories at once
death, pain, loneliness, the shriek that each lets out separately
combined into one second which is the present once i let it be
sometimes i cant breath
i cant keep the you outside of me
as if you exist in the air that surrounds me
and you crawl up my nostril and remind me of the smell of your sweat
and if i let myself take a breath
you will fill my lungs and touch
my skin through pathways in my veins
and you will always stay
and i will always be afraid.
Sometimes I cant breath
but its not the not breathing that Im afraid what will happen of
its the opening my eyes and seeing the world that moves quickly
without the you and me
and passes a moment so soon into history
so soon that even my own life has already grown away
so that i dont know who i am today.
Its been almost 2 years since I saw you but it feels like yesterday.
i have been dreading the upcoming months not even quite sure why.
and then i realize that theres a reason i tried to skip holidays last year
this part doesnt rhym and its not supposed to
there are no patterns to loss except that it touches you every day, with every breath
even when you try to keep the next one that comes your way away.
